Beloved, offenses will occur. As we develop relationships, the conflict will happen. But our response to such decides the outcome and how it affects the quality of the relationship. Conflict is a disagreement or argument. If you act as though there are no problems, it harms the relationship. But when you recognize a conflict does take place in relationships, and you work to overcome it peacefully, you deepen your relationship.
Never be bitter, angry, or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. 32 Be kind and loving to each other. Forgive each other the same as God forgave you through Christ. -Ephesians 4:31-32, ERV
Here are 10 steps on how to solve the conflict.
Breathe and relax. Think before you speak. In a moment of anger, it’s typical to lash out. Once you speak the words, you can’t take them back. And such words show what’s in your heart because from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45). You may even apologize, but it won’t erase the damage done by your outburst of anger. Be aware that emotions are fighting to be heard. But there’s irrational and can’t be trusted. Thus, interpret them accurately. So, stay calm and keep in mind the goal to resolve the conflict.
Accept responsibility for what you did to contribute to the situation. Too often you focus on what the offender did to cause the conflict. This is counterproductive because until you accept accountability for your own actions and willingness to do things better, the tension will only escalate. So, the aim isn’t making your point be heard but to think about your actions which lead to the disagreement. Then try to change any attitude, behavior, and habits that contribute to the problem.
Discuss your concerns with respect and concern for others involved. Think about how conflicts affect everyone in the relationship. Before you discuss anything, go before God in prayer. When you discuss the problems be sensitive to the feelings of others. Be polite and not rude. Make an effort to remove your feelings and personal history out the way because love keeps no record of wrong. (1 Peter 4:8). Also, be careful about sharing problems with others. Not everyone has your best interest at heart.
Be open-minded and willing to listen to what the other person has to say. No one wins when neither listens to the other. Be the mature person and forfeit your right to validate your feelings. Listen to what is being said, but do not jump to wrong conclusions. Allow the person to talk without interrupting. Once they finished, point out what you agree with and work together to come up with a plan that works for the benefit of everyone involved. However, stay away from pointing the finger. Avoid responding with a question or comment that makes the person feel they are wrong. The intents of listening aren’t to say something that makes the person feel more defended and offensive. And don’t linger in the past, either.
Avoid being offensive and twisting what the other person said. Too often when the truth is revealed, the offender tends to take it personally. So, be careful how you present your concerns. But speak the truth in love. Choose your words wisely. Be cautious so to avoid it escalating into an argument. “Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace.” (Proverbs 15:18, MSG). Also, stop twisting everything and accept how your actions and words have brought harm into the situation. Nothing will change until you submit to change too. Put down your defensive guard and work hard on settling the matter peacefully.
Discuss the real issue. What can you agree on? Respectfully agree to disagree. You want to think about what to say and how to properly approach the situation. But try not waiting too long before discussing the problem. Discuss one problem at a time. Consider the root cause of conflict and the specific way you can change to improve the relationship.
Stand clear of verbal abuse, negative words and phrases like you always or you never. Verbal abuse and negative words have never resolved conflict. It leads to hurt feelings. You even find yourself distancing and avoiding being in the presence of the person. This does not lead to a resolution. Therefore, imagine how you require the person to speak to you and do so to them. Think about what words will yield the most encouraging results and practice them in your conversation. Let your focus be healing for the heart, mind, and soul and act so.
Consider your actions and offer an alternative way to act. Avoid affixing blame, and forcing on their offense. (sees #5). Ask them to help come up with a more efficient way to handle problems. Be open to their suggestions without criticism. Many times, no one person is without fault. So, refrain from saying; “I did nothing wrong.” This makes the other person feel you’re holding them responsible for the conflict. Ask yourself if you could have handled that situation differently.
If you can't reach a resolution step away. Don’t try and force your ideas, opinions, and solutions. Go for a walk. Spend some time in the Word of God and pray. But don’t go to bed angry.
See outside counsel from a Pastor or someone with spiritual insight. When you discover you can’t settle your differences, look for help. Don’t allow your pride to keep you doing things the same way and expect a different outcome. Get some help from your Pastor or a person with spiritual, sound and impartial counsel. You may have to attend several sessions to solve the issues. Beloved, this situation didn’t occur overnight. It developed over a course of time. So, don’t expect it to resolve in one day. Your focus is to solve conflict effectively and move forward. This calls for compassion, honesty, and accountable for your actions. Any course of action is carried out with the utmost respect, dignity, and grace. Above all, be Christ-like and forgive. The goal is to see the evidence of healing and restoration and move on to a progressive and wholesome relationship.
What did you learn from these conflict resolutions?
Which resolutions best describe what you need to work on to settle the conflict in your relationship?
Please leave your comments as such is encouraging. God loves you and guess what? I Do too.
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