As I spend time with women throughout the world, I see a pattern that makes my heart ache. I see something so many of us have in common. We have experienced the dreaded relationship where we loved unconditionally and have not received love in return. So, I write this to my sisters and I pray it ignites a flame in you to rise above the pain and your broken heart and realize, you are a “Daughter of the King” - God is by your side, you 're loved and never alone.
Relationships are an intricate part of our life. And unless you find a remote place where there is a zero percent chance of any other human being dwelling there, you’ll always be in some type of a relationship in one form or another. One thing is sure, without people, the world would be empty, meaningless and void. With people, life is exciting, challenging and adventurous. With people, you are given the opportunity to build harmonious and healthy relationships and to connect with each other through being able to dialogue. These connections are strengthened as we spend time learning to trust, honor, love, give and share. However, this opens doors to being susceptible to the possibility of being hurt and wounded. In a word, relationships make us vulnerable because as trust builds up, we open up, sharing our deepest desires, dreams, and aspirations. (1).
But what happens when you give your heart in a relationship and in return you are treated inferior? You love without any pre-written conditions and you give unselfishly only to be made to feel like you are unworthy… undesirable… and made to doubt yourself. Your self-esteem has been bruised. Somehow, you even became the brunt of his jokes. In the deep recesses of your being, you want it to work out, but his continuous means to crush your spirit through subtle statements that end up in affixing blame, and making you feel meaningless, you are unsure what to do. Besides, you tell yourself, he’ll change. You even make excuse for his behavior. He has gone as far as making you blame yourself for all the problems in the relationship.
Beloved, ask yourself; “what am I holding on to? “Do not remember the former things, Or ponder the things of the past. 19 “Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, (Isaiah 43:18-19). Should you hold on to his abusive means in which he speaks to you? I know he makes you feel special while at the same time, treating you as if you are underneath him. He makes you feel beautiful, while at the same time making you feel as if no one other than him would want you. So, should you hold on to the gifts he gives you every time he verbally abuses you? Should you hold on to the guilt you’re plagued with because he makes you feel you were not proficient in making him feel like a real man? What are you holding on to? Another broken promise to respect and love you like Christ loves the church knowing full well their just empty words? Here are three fundamental truth you need to cling to overcome your dependency on him.
1. Don’t Allow Anyone To underestimate your value: Beloved, you can’t make him love you. Nothing you do will be good enough to satisfy his selfish need to make himself feel superior at the expense of putting you down. So, when someone shows you through their actions that you are not important, that’s a person you can live without. And another thing, the pain you have endured from his harsh treatment may have hardened your heart and you’ve become cold and callous. And you find yourself saying you are this way because he made you like that. Girlfriend, stop saying that! Never allow anyone to make you become other than who God created you to be. Nobody should have that kind of power over your life.
Therefore, stop pursuing him. If you’re calling, texting, keeping in touch, but he rarely reciprocate such kindness, you owe yourself to be treated better than that. His lack of pursuing you means he is not interested in developing a harmonious and meaningful relationship. If he was interested, he would make time to pursue you. His lack of showing you that you mean something special indicates you are not important to him. When a man rejects you, count it as a blessing. When a relationship becomes a liability rather than an asset, you’ll discover that rejection can be a blessing. My Sister, you deserve God’s absolute best and he is not it.
2. A Cut Above the Rest: My sisters, it’s time to rise up and believe in yourself. Stop looking to him to validate you. It’s time you love yourself and find your self-worth in the one who made you in His matchless and flawless image. It’s time to see yourself as God sees you. And in Him, you have been made complete [achieving spiritual stature through Christ], and He is the head over all rule and authority [of every angelic and earthly power]. (Colossians 2:10). Beloved, you are complete in Christ. Thus, despite how that man has stripped you of your self-worth and self-image, you owe it to yourself to speak tender words of adoration which will bring life into your spirit. Encourage yourself in the Lord. We all have flaws. But we can rise above the past failures, negativity, self-doubt, and fear of being alone.
Dear One - You are a Gem and a rare precious jewel that deserves to be treated with the utmost care. Like a delicate rose, you are a woman of substance with beauty and grace. Like a diamond, you are the essence of eloquence, you sparkle with delight and you are of substantial value and a cut above the rest. You have a brilliant mind and capable of achieving the impossible through Christ who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13). It is time for a withdrawal. Execute the skills and abilities the Lord has deposited within you. It’s time you began to value yourself and realize you are significant and a woman of great worth with purpose. You deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, dignity, and honor.
3. Walk Down the Red Carpet: The Lord has invested in you and your future. He is cheering for you because God believes in you. Take a good look in the mirror and see what God sees. The Lord sees a woman the Lord has marked for life. God sees a woman who has been transformed into His radiant daughter. The Lord is taking what was meant to crush your spirit and cripple your identify and turn into something good. And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. (Romans 8:28). You are a better woman for having the courage to rise above your shattered life. Your Red-Carpet moment has arrived. It’s your time! God is ready to put you on display to show you off to all creation. Come and take your place, Daughter of the King, and be who God created you to be.
I pray the musical selection, "God Loves You" by Jaci Velasquez ministers to you.
Treat yourself, families, friends and others to a gift that says you are of substantial worth!
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END NOTES: 1. Capturing the Spirit Of God's Word with Vernita